Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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