We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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