Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
