Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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