i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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