No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
