My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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