sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
