My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
