I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
