how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
