let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't turn off my feet"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
