Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'

(586): View more from Michigan

I thought that was really considerate

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(720): View more from Colorado

New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

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(503): View more from Oregon

Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking

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(281): View more from Texas

‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬

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(303): View more from Colorado

I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot

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