I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
