where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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