if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
