FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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