peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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