you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
