The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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