My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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