dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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