At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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