i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
