I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
