When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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