I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
