I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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