Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
