omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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