Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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