I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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