my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize