you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
