so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
