Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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