I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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