her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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