dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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