Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
