Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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