I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
