If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
