...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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