Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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