dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
