my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
