I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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