I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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