I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
