Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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