I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
