She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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