I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
