they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
