You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
