I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize