love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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