Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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