At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
