the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
