So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
