Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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