I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
