batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Two words: blizzard sex
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
