we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
