he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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