We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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