I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
