You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
