Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
