I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
