I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
