Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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