I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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