Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
