So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
