people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's shark week go big or go home
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
