I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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