i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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