I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this just has baby written all over it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
