I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
