just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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