O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She bit a glass in half.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
