Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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