First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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