So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
