Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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