I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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